THE BONDAGE OF UNFORGIVENESS — Inspiring And Empowering Ladies

Three things that hold me in bondage from time to time are not being able to forgive myself, not being able to forgive others quickly, and not being able to receive God’s forgiveness, which is always available to me as his daughter. I am often my worst critic so I will beat up on myself internally for mistakes I have made. As time goes on, I tend to make peace with it. During the struggle, I lack peace, freedom, and the ability to be able to hear from God clearly. I don’t want to disappoint my heavenly father; although he loves me unconditionally I desire to remain in his will as much as possible. I often feel as if I am Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden after they succumbed to temptation by taking a bite of the apple from the forbidden tree. I begin to condemn myself, feel defeated, and wallow in guilt and despair which weakens my spirit and creates a barrier between myself and God.

I was raised in the church. I enjoy attending church and take my relationship with God seriously. As a result, my conviction of myself is strong and my conscious weighs heavily on me, which are both a blessing and a hindrance. I am a firm believer in accountability, and I want to enter the gates of heaven once God decides to call me home. I am hard on myself because I know right from wrong and as a result, I am held to a higher standard by God and myself.

I am fully cognizant that forgiveness is of God, yet when I have been on the receiving end of mistreatment, it takes a while for me to forgive. Forgiveness does not come easy because I am hurting and disappointed. One of the reasons I’m this way is because I sincerely try to treat others the way I want to be treated, and believe in apologizing with sincerity when I’m wrong. Therefore, I cannot wrap my mind around the nerve and or the actions of some people. I am not one to hurt easily, but when I hurt I am severely wounded! Yet I must remember two things, forgiveness is not for the other person, it’s for ME, and not to expect me from others because I will likely be disappointed.

Unforgiveness is not external bondage but an internal one, yet it is still burdensome. In these moments I have to commune with God to seek his forgiveness, ask him to help me forgive others quickly without holding feelings of resentment, and forgive myself when I knew better yet still chose to do the opposite. I am glad to say whenever I fall off the wagon; he is always there to pick me back up. I am grateful that I can get back up again. I am grateful that all hope is not lost. I am grateful for another day to get it right. I am grateful for God’s mercy, grace, love, and favor. In that same token time is of the essence, therefore I must forgive myself and others quickly and receive forgiveness quickly. I am constantly working to strengthen and deepen my relationship with God. As I do I believe my burden will be lightened and I will be able to move forward instead of remaining stagnant. It’s not a sprint but a spiritual journey, one that will continue to evolve as long as I am a willing vessel.

I know I am not alone in this journey. If any of you could relate to this form of bondage in particular or other forms of a bondage feel free to pray for our strength in the Lord.

Peace, Love & Blessings!