STRUGGLING TO CREATE A HEALTHY WORK-LIFE BALANCE — Inspiring And Empowering Ladies

The recent news of Leona Goddard’s suicide caused me to conduct a self assessment as I can relate to Leona in the struggle to create a healthy work life balance. On October 3, 2018, Leona Goddard, a 35 year old nurse, killed herself after the stress of working 12 hour shifts prevented her from being able to enjoy a social life and start a family. Leona was a nurse manager at Prestwich Hospital in Manchester, England and worked with patients dealing with substance abuse issues.

Leona was promoted to nurse manger 6 months prior to committing suicide. According to Leona’s mother, she was in conflict about accepting the promotion. Leona experienced a downward spiral. She had low self esteem, negative feelings, self loathing, anxiety, depression, sadness and was having nightmares about work. Leona was not able to cope with the increasing stress, lack of training, increased workload and responsibilities, frustration and, lack of support she experienced. Others described Leona as clever, outstanding, caring and competent.

Two weeks prior to Leona’s tragic and shocking death, she was off of work due to her depression. Leona hadn’t been out of bed for a week. She had been seen by a doctor where she was offered some anti-depressants, but declined them citing that if work got sorted she would feel better. Leona had also recently experienced a break up with her boyfriend who stated she would have been a great mother.

I became a Registered Nurse at the age of 23 years old. At that time I didn’t have any children, but I was interested in starting a family with my significant other since I had begun working in my career. While in nursing school I worked as a State Tested Nursing Assistant. I was familiar with the idea of working 12 hour shifts but was never a supporter. Eight months after becoming a RN I worked 12 hours, overnight from 7pm to 7 am in a nursing home. I was beyond miserable and on the nights I was off all I did was sleep. I was definitely overworked, underpaid, and never got off of work on time. Not to mention, I was usually the only Registered Nurse in the building, and as a result I was responsible for the IVs, PICC lines, TPN, as well as the medication pass for 30+ patients.

I’ve went on to work 12 hours at another job, not by choice, but due to necessity as I am the mother and sole provider for a beautiful little girl who recently celebrated her 6th birthday. Whether working 8 or 12 hours, it’s still extremely challenging to create a healthy work-life balance. I currently work 8 hour shifts, but I’m commuting for 2 hours daily, maintaining a household and being a mother. I’m usually up and going nonstop for 16 or more hours a day. My daughter and I wake up at 5 am daily and attempt to be in bed by 8 pm. My daughter gets on the school bus at 6:50 am and I pick her up from the After School Program around 6:00 pm daily, she is away from me for about 12 hours Monday through Friday. To say I experience mom guilt is an understatement.

I’m off every weekend, but even though I’m not physically clocking in or out, I am still busy doing laundry, folding clothes, loading the dishwasher, sweeping/ mopping/vacuuming, changing the sheets, cooking dinner, meal prepping, reading a book, working on a project, writing a blog, tuning into church, ironing my scrubs and my daughter’s school uniforms, running errands etc. My social life is obsolete. When I am not working my job or maintaining our household I am trying to get some much needed rest.

Regardless of your profession its tough trying to work 40+ hours, be a great mother, maintain an intimate relationship with God, eat right, workout, feed your mind, body and soul, remain grateful, stay hydrated, remain centered, maintain healthy relationships etc. I am no stranger to hard work nor am I one to complain, but my body has been telling me lately that I can’t keep on doing what I’ve been accustomed to doing. Earlier this week, at the age of 31, I experienced my very first panic attack as I’ve been dealing with some work related stress along with other life challenges. When I went to go to bed, my heart was beating rapidly and I felt like a ton of bricks were resting on my chest. I checked my pulse, began deep breathing and praying and I was then able to fall asleep. While I didn’t feel very overwhelmed on the outside, I was on the inside. My mind is constantly going because I’m thinking about and/or planning what needs to be done. While I have been getting some rest physically, my mind has not had a chance to rest. It was a huge eye opener that if I don’t make some changes soon my health will begin to decline.

On Thursday November 21, 2019, I requested a PTO day from work to attend an event while my daughter was at school. I decided I wouldn’t attend the event, but I would still use the PTO day as a day for me. Something I have never done. I couldn’t be more ecstatic for the day to come! Being the worker bee that I am, I got my daughter off to school, read the last few chapters of Joyce Meyer’s book Your Battles Belong To The Lord, washed a load of clothes, loaded and started the dishwasher, put the chili in the Crockpot, cleaned out the refrigerator, worked on my latest project, and watched a little television. So much for resting and relaxing, around noon I turned my ringer off, took some Zzzquil and took a 3 hour nap. I could’ve slept for at least 2 more hours, but I forgot to turn off an alarm that I set Monday through Friday. Nevertheless it was exhilarating to be able to take a nap in the middle of the day.

It is unfortunate that employers do not offer their employees a healthy work-life balance. Instead of employers running a dictatorship, their approach should be shared governance to avoid burnout and high turnover. While 12 hours work for some lives, it doesn’t work for all. Throughout life our priorities shift. As a mom, my number one priority is my daughter. I resigned from my previous job of working with patients dealing with mental health and substance abuse issues because they forced all employees into working 12 hour shifts and every other weekend. It was my desire to remain at that job until I was able to become a full-time entrepreneur, but my hand was forced. I am currently working 8 hour shifts yet my work life balance is still not balanced. My work environment is far from peaceful; the workload is doable, but it’s the individuals in management and the restrictions that are draining. While everyone isn’t meant to pursue entrepreneurship, it’s been my experience that while working a job I am under pressure, but when walking in purpose it is a pleasure.

I’ve been a nurse for almost 8 years; I’ve known for about 3 years that nursing is a job for me, it is not my passion or my purpose. I even enrolled in school earlier this year to become a Family Nurse Practitioner. While challenging, I was maintaining A’s in my courses. Upon having a conversation with my She Wins Society sisters, it was evident that I was going to school and obtaining more student loan debt for something I had no passion for. I was chasing the bag instead of pursuing my God given purpose. I had lost sight of my gift making room for me.

Make no mistake, I am still very passionate about helping others, just in a different aspect. Writing has always been therapeutic for me. While writing, I am not counting the time, but I am making the time count. I loved being given writing assignments in school and I often surpassed the page limit.

I desire to operate in my God-given purpose fully as it is much bigger than me. It would provide me with a healthy work-life balance. It would provide me with the freedom that I truly desire. It would allow me to practice self-care, spend more time with my daughter at home, volunteer at her school, allow me to write more books, write more blogs, ghostwrite for others, coach/teach/speak to women, read and travel more. It would allow me to have a much better quality of life and minimize the amount of stress and anxiety I experience. I don’t know how much life I have left, but I am 100% certain that I want to spend the rest of my life doing what I love. While that hasn’t become my reality yet, I am going to continue pressing toward the mark because I believe that these tests will make me stronger and give me a remarkable testimony to share with others of how faithful God is.

Remember to not only check on your strong friends, but to pray for them as well. They fight battles that you know nothing about. While I consider myself to be a very strong and independent woman, I too am weak. It is God who is my strength. Leona’s death was a shock to her family and friends because they didn’t know she was sad or depressed. While others saw her to be clever and competent, she felt helpless and hopeless. I am learning to allow God to fight my battles and to relinquish control so that I don’t fall into depression and despair. I am reminded that God’s burden is light and his yoke is easy which is comforting. I don’t have it all figured out, but I am still working towards creating a healthy work life balance.