A SINCERE APOLOGY
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While apologies are offered frequently, they often lack sincerity. I don’t know about you but I’d like for the apologies I receive to be sincere as well as the ones I provide. How do you know an apology is warranted, the offended will let you know either verbally or in their actions. Some actions the offended will display are being withdrawn, distant, and/or completely unavailable. When you notice these actions you should ask if there is anything you did wrong or that you could do to make things right if you value the relationship. When one sincerely apologizes they acknowledge their wrongdoings. Example: I apologize for _________________I know it caused you___________________.
Depending on the severity of the offense you may have to offer a sincere apology more than once. When offering an apology you are willing to accept feedback from the offended as well as the boundaries they establish to maintain the relationship. A sincere apology includes a heartfelt desire to change, this change is evident in actions not merely words alone. Based on the changed behavior trust and forgiveness can be reestablished.
A lot of relationships have been permanently severed that could’ve been salvaged with a sincere apology. The lack of a sincere apology ruins families and friendships. For some people it’s rather hard for them to admit their faults, as a result, they never do. Saying I am sorry you felt ___________ is not a sincere apology. It is a form of deflection, where you place the blame on the offended instead of taking responsibility as the offender. Even if the offended accepts the apology you are less likely to change your behavior which will result in a rift at some point in the relationship. If you desire to cultivate quality relationships among your family and friends you must offer them an apology with sincerity when necessary. Keep in mind some relationships will still be severed even when a sincere apology is offered yet that shouldn’t stop you from attempting to make amends.
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As human beings, we love to be connected with other human beings. After all what fun is it to live life and have no one to share it with? Human connection is not just beneficial to children it’s beneficial to adults also. In the words of Bill Withers, we all need somebody to lean on. Consistent turmoil within your relationships is less than advantageous and can be quite stressful. Sure some relationships are meant to teach us a lesson, as a result, they only last for a season but those are not the relationships I am referencing. For purposes of this blog, the friendships that need to be cultivated are those that propel you forward, push you to greatness, and are aligned with your purpose. Those which don’t deplete or drain you but that revitalize and refuel you as they are God-ordained.
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I would hate to lose a God-ordained relationship based on the inability to effectively communicate and/or offer a sincere apology when necessary. Don’t allow your ego and pride to rob you of quality relationships. Discernment is required to distinguish between a beneficial and detrimental relationship. At times we tend to hold onto relationships that need to be released. As a result, we apologize for things in which we have no blame simply because we are afraid to lose the relationship despite its lack of value.
In reflection some questions you should ask yourself are:
What does a healthy/quality relationship consist of?
Are you willing to change your behavior consistently for the better?
What lesson/lessons have you learned?
Why are you seeking forgiveness?
Why do you want to re-establish trust?
What motivates you to operate from a place of integrity?
If I were receiving an apology, what would make it sincere?
What purpose is the relationship serving in your life?
Is the relationship draining you or refueling you?
Hopefully, after reading this blog, you are better informed as to how and when to offer a sincere apology. Even if the apology is not accepted, do not fret. Instead, use it to be more mindful as to how you show up in your other relationships. None of us are immune from making mistakes yet we are fully capable of committing to making amends through a sincere apology.